This is the end

“Watch your [hind quarters].”

All my life, it seemed the people who gave me that advice were of a certain ilk that prompted me to heed the warning. It always benefitted me. It’s always good advice.

Especially for butt-dialers.

A former employer of IBM Canada butt-dialed the company on several occasions—exposing his work for a second privately-owned company. This highly-paid employee apparently didn’t meet his end of a deal reached with IBM in which he would not use IBM’s time and assets on his business, a residential storage company.

But he made one lie and one pocket-dial call too many. After telling a supervisor he couldn’t attend a meeting because he was double-booked, the employee’s rear end decided it wanted to talk more. The employee butt-dialed the supervisor, who could hear him conducting business of his own on IBM time. A subsequent investigation by IBM apparently found the employee use IBM equipment for his business and charged some of his business’ long distance calls to IBM.

The employee was sent out on his keister, and his termination held up in court. The court said IBM had enough evidence to buttress its decision to put an end to paying an employee to work on his business while being paid to work at IBM.

Not such a revolutionary decision, but one wonders how long it would have taken for IBM to catch on—or assemble enough solid evidence—were it not for their former employee’s lackluster butt-pocket phone etiquette. And even with proof in hand, the company was still hit with an employment practices suit.

***

In our second example, a former employee of Case Pork Roll Company in New Jersey is suing her employer because she claims they fired her husband because he farted too much.

There may be two parts of that sentence needing clarification. The first: If you don’t live in New Jersey you likely do not know what pork roll is. Google it. It’s glorious. You are missing out. The second: The wife is suing Case since she alleges to have quit the same day he was let go because of the harassment and discrimination her husband faced. It caused her to “constructively terminate her employment.”

The husband was the company’s comptroller but as the result of gastric bypass surgery in 2008, he suffered from “extreme gas and uncontrollable diarrhea,” according to the lawsuit. It progressively got worse. The comptroller was asked to work from home because he made the office environment…unpleasant. And the wife claims to have been harassed about her husband’s condition.

The comptroller was fired the last day of February 2014, and the wife followed him right out. There is an inherent joke there but it is one I will not make. That’s how folks get EPL claims against them.

The plaintiff alleges Case Pork Roll violated the American with Disabilities Act, and state laws against discrimination.

***

Well, this is the end (get it?) and we’re going out with a bang. For those who didn’t read the note on the Executive Risk Network Weekly Download, this will be our last edition.

To find out why, read the note. Or contact me directly. We are moving on and we will all be better off for it. I’m excited to bring you more stories from the wild, wacky world of employment practices liability as well as stories on many more topics.

Talk to you soon.